Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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