I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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