What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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