I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize