If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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