i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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