apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
