Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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