I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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