What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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