u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
