So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
