Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
