i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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