i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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