I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
