bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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