you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
