I'm eating all of the evidence.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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