i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
