I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
