She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize