Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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