I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
