i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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