if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
