genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
