I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
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