When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
