the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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