What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dicks are not precious.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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