He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I want a musical about memes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize