take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
