who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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