Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
