Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
ok first of all what the fuck
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
