I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
