I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
