i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Vodka?
Forever.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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