you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
