I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
this is an emotional support booty call
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
