What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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