Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
