I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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