It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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