Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
