you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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