I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
