Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
