I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
