On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
