I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The air was thick with penises
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
