he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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