I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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