Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
we made out on top of his cat.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
