i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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