I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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