he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
