I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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