haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
