No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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