last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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