Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
