Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
