Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
