I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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