The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
