You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
