Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
