I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
