Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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