38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I party with great urgency now.
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