So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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