dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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