Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
