you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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